The Only Way Out Is Through

On feeling your feelings.

I’ve always had a soft spot for the summer. Call it my inner Leo, or an inability to forget that feeling just before the the bell rings on the last day of school, but there is a tangible joy to this time of year. It’s the closest time gets to slowing down a smidge, with longer days and warmer nights gently guiding us through the season, allowing us all to (finally) catch a breath.

But there is a heaviness to this year that I’ve never experienced before, and I don’t think I’m wrong to assume that many other people feel similarly. The foundation on which we stand feels faulty at best, a hairsbreadth away from crumbling at worst. After an average morning reading the news, I look around and see my friends, colleagues, and family all looking for some signal that things are going to be okay — that the world is, finally, righting itself on its axis.

Then children get murdered at their elementary school by yet another angry man with a machine gun and you remember there is so… much. Sadness. Fear. Doubt. Guilt. Exhaustion. Rage.

Where are we supposed to put it all? When the alarm goes off every Monday despite yet another week of unprecedented events, how exactly are we expected to face the day with any semblance of a brave face when all you want to do is turn over for five more minutes of sleep, if only for the escape?

Color coordinated Hot Girl Walk

My therapist likes to remind me that I will do basically anything to avoid feeling uncomfortable. Not in a my leg fell asleep at brunch type of way, but more of a if I admit that I’m feeling sad, or scared, or angry, then I’ll have to actually do something to address it, and I might not like whatever that is. So I push it down. But with the world acting like some increasingly sinister game of Whack-A-Mole, it’s become something akin to a survival tactic for many of us, because, no — despite what some degenerate talking heads might try to convince you of — this is not normal.

At this point in time, or really any moment in our not-quite-post-pandemic, social media frenzied, conservative testosterone raging, mental health crisis world, processing what is happening around us is not as simple as turning a blind eye and moving on. We are all (or at least anyone who has not already mastered transcendental meditation) in need of a new coping mechanism.

Still, the idea of sitting in the discomfort to process and actually allow the feelings (whatever they may be) to move through you is truly antithetical to every self-soothing tactic I’ve developed in my last 32 years. But despite my best efforts, that’s pretty much the only thing we — the anxious, tired, overwhelmed human beings of the world — can ever control.

And while those same talking heads who want us all to believe that the world is fine, you are fine — it’s the “others” that are to blame for all that anger or fear or sadness you’re experiencing — the real power to be had in these moments is to confront those feeling head on. Only then can you start to consider what actionable steps you can take to move past them.

For some that can be as small as putting a block on your schedule to go get a coffee, even if your inbox is a dumpster fire; for others, that’s having tough conversations, or opening yourself up to the possibility of a new path, or calling your Senator to demand they start prioritizing the lives of the people they’re supposed to represent rather than special interest groups with deep pockets. Whatever it is that you can do to not just avoid the discomfort but acknowledge it and move forward will help to lift someof that weight you’ve been carrying around for so long that you’ve forgotten what “normal” feels like.

With that in mind, I invite you to take it slow this summer, maybe raise a glass of #anxietybeer with friends you haven’t seen in a while and ask them about their lives, tell them about yours, because if there’s going to be any way out of this mess we’ve made for ourselves, it’s going to be together.

retail<therapy

1. 312 Urban Wheat Ale: I was talking to someone over the weekend about Chicago, and being a St. Louis gal, I used to visit quite a bit (many of my college friends still live there). In a moment of nostalgia, I found a bodega that stocks this Chicago brand and picked up a six-pack to keep on hand for seasonal stoop #anxietybeers. This easy drinking 4.2 ABV wheat ale is often overlooked compared to her IPA sister (especially on NYC taps) but I’ve always been partial to it, especially if you’re outside in the sun with friends without a care in the world. And considering I’m newly recovered from Covid, I will say that beer has been tasting a whole lot sweeter lately.

2. Rose Inc Dual Ended Concealer Brush: It feels sacrilegious to even say it, but after over a decade of being loyal to my beauty sponges, I’ve finally seen the light and switched back to team makeup brush. I scooped this flat and fluffy duo at a recent event for Rose Inc (I’m a very big fan of their blushes, lipstick, eye cream, and skin tint for the record) and I kinda hate to admit that I love how it blends both my cream blush and under eye concealer — everything just looks more seamless and skin-like. Plus, I’m all about a two-in-one beauty tool, especially for travel. Consider this one beauty editor who just had her world rocked.

   

3. Goodshirts Can Stop Will Stop Hat: Why not make the battle against summer sun damage and melasma patches a little more enjoyable with a fun hat? I stand by this statement, whether in fashion form or not, and it’s usually met with some grin of acknowledgment from a passing stranger or two. Consider it a reminder to create some boundaries without a scrap of guilt.

   

   Read it and weep, responsibilities

Cheers,

xxHB