There are many things I adore about getting older.
Creating your own schedule, deciding where to go for vacation and what to make for dinner. Better shoes, better sex, better eyebrows. Basically, unless you lived an extremely charmed childhood with the type of generational wealth I see around certain pockets of TriBeCa and the Upper East Side, being a grown up is pretty freakin’ cool. Obviously, there’s a ton of shit you have to deal with once you’re taking care of yourself, but I’m just going to casually ignore those things (taxes, cellulite, parents getting older) to state that the thing I miss the most about youth, and my early to mid-twenties in particular, is the spontaneity.
Although I consider myself a fairly practical person, I also don’t love taking a million and one hours to make a decision. I want a luxury bag on vacation because it’s pretty, I’ll get the VAT back, and I deserve it? I treat myself. I’m itching for a new tattoo that means nothing except commemorating a moment with a friend on the Lower East Side? Get on the train and go get zapped. I want to kiss the cute stranger after one and a half cocktails in the backyard of the bar on a Saturday night? You only live once so go for it, girl. But as I’m discovering more and more with each passing birthday, it’s harder to indulge in these true spur-of-the-moment decisions because, well… life happens, and there are many things (big, important, life-altering things) that will stand in the way of spontaneous choices.
I’m spending a lot of time lately—probably too much—reflecting on how my life differs from the people closest to me. I’m 35-years-old, I’m single, I don’t have children, nor do I plan to have any. For the most part my obligations extend to my job, my cat, and myself. Sure, I babysit my nephew from time to time but my daily routine doesn’t regularly involve keeping him alive. I don’t need to check in with a partner before pulling the trigger on a decision (I spent eight years and two big relationships doing so, and I thoroughly appreciate not having to do so at the moment). I won’t lie and say I don’t enjoy the ability to be selfish with my time and my energy, but as the people I love grow more booked and busy with marriage and babies, I do feel wistful for the era when I wasn’t the exception to the status quo.
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Anxiety Beer to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.