I’ve always prided myself on being an excellent texter, and when I’ve seen friends’ or lovers’ iMessages with 20, 30, 50+ unread messages it gives me a serious eye twitch. Like, I know you’re looking at your phone at some point during the day and you see the little red notification bubbling up. Just… respond? It irks me to no end. But something has happened during my Very Big Year (which is how I will be referring to the time between November 2024 and now) wherein I’m suddenly that person with dozens of texts awaiting a reply.
I honestly wasn’t quite sure how I got here. At the start of the year, when the world was dark and cold, literally and figuratively, I simply didn’t have the energy to pour into many other people. The steady stream of well-wishes and the check-ins, while appreciated in the abstract, felt overwhelming, like yet another thing I had to constantly maintain when all I really wanted to do was lay down and pretend things were different. My former eagerness to respond and connect with via a quick, snappy back and forth slowly dissolved. But now, as the weight of grief continues to transform into something else, something slightly more manageable and designed for the long haul, texting still feels like it’s lost its former allure.
I was chatting with some girlfriends about this the other night over a long overdue dinner and I was surprised to learn that I wasn’t the only one struggling to keep up with the constant onslaught of all day texting. Of course, my collective friend group is also growing older, and we all have different Big Things demanding our attention. The days of being twenty-something with an empty weekend and few social obligations (and thus plenty of time to keep up with the various group chats) are behind us. Still, I have more than a handful of human beings I want to keep in contact with on any given day or week, and so the effort involved with maintaining those relationships often revolves around a casual text. Do I wish it could be IRL every weekend like it was ten years ago? Absolutely. But here we are! Life rolls along.
And yet, for as grateful as I am to have such a stunning roster of people I could reach out to for support, whether it’s dinner, a coffee walk, or a quick reminder that (insert adult obligation here) is the worst, the pressure to keep up with all those threads isn’t quite as fulfilling as it used to be. So, call me crazy, but I have a wild proposition, especially for anyone born after the mid-90s: let’s bring back the phone call.
I know there’s a whole to-do around the Gen Z fear of the telephone and I can partly understand it. I used to reallllllly dislike having to call the neighborhood pizza spot to place an order for my family—remember the time before DoorDash and all its competitors? It stressed me out for reasons I still don’t quite understand. So when texting and apps became the primary form of communication, I was an eager adopter. But now, I find myself desperately hitting the “0” button to talk to a customer service rep as opposed to using the automated app. I scour a restaurant’s website to see if they have a direct number for reservations and orders (they often do not), and most importantly, I’m trying to pick up the phone and give my nearest and dearest a call, even if it’s just for a five minute chat.
Not to be the nostalgic Millennial in the crowd, but I feel so sad that the generations behind me might never know the joy of a three-way call with your best friends. Or the singular awkwardness of calling their house and having to make small talk with their parents while your friend runs to grab the land line. Plus, as any human who has fumbled their way through the world of dating, they’ll emphatically tell you that you just can’t replicate the nuances of real live speech through a text. Even I, someone who makes a living writing and editing, cannot always decipher an abbreviated sentence or two from a relative stranger. More than that, it gives me anxiety! It always has, and I’m certainly not new to the cat and mouse game of texting and flirting. What would happen, I wonder, if I became the girl that just… called somebody? Called and said hi or confirmed the plans at a reasonable hour and didn’t subscribe to a smattering of daily check-ins during an obscenely busy workweek? Ditto for my friends—what if, instead of scrolling through three days of missed five-person chats, I just rang you up on a calm Monday evening or Saturday afternoon to rehash the last few days or weeks?
My in-between as I noodle over this outrageous concept (that was Internet sarcasm in case you couldn’t tell) is to embrace the voice note. I know some people have a visceral negative reaction to them—and those are the people I avoid when they call it out on dating apps—but I frankly love to hear the tenor of someones voice, even if it’s not quite in real time. I want to hear the joy or anger or sadness in that 20 second or two minute clip. It’s a little treat to hear the tea straight from the source, or gauge the sex appeal in that mystery voice flirting with me before a first date.
In other words, please don’t text me back. Or text me at all (I mean, I know it won’t completely go away, but you get the idea). Give me a call, send me a voice note to listen to after work or during a coffee break. It fills my cup in a way even a long, multi-part, drama-filled text cannot. Let’s have a little chat, even if it’s just a minute or two, and connect from wherever we are in the world. I have a feeling we’ll both hang up the phone feeling happier, calmer, and grateful to not have a mountain of unread messages to respond to.
I’ll drink an Anxiety Beer to that.
retail < therapy
J.Crew Roll Neck Sweater: Oooooh I was trying to resist the call of the Nantucket roll neck sweater thing but I can’t anymore. I am deep in my cotton sweater era and with the crispy New York fall tantalizingly close I think I need to scoop this cutie in (what else?) navy blue ASAP.
2. Gap Organic Cotton T-Shirt: Speaking of fall temperatures, my new uniform is this long sleeve t-shirt in a Men’s XS paired with some tailored trousers or barrel leg jeans and a great belt. I know a lot of my favorite mid-tier brands are selling basically the same product at triple the price, which is fine, but I’d rather scoop all my must-have colors and not blow up my shopping budget. They have the perfect weight and drape, and truthfully, I wear them non-stop.
3. Augustinus Bader x Sofia Coppola The Tinted Balm: I know, I know, this lip balm is slightly pricey (albeit nowhere near the new Lous Vuitton lippies that come out in five days, yeesh) but it delivers such gorgeous, concentrated color, you’d never guess that it’s a balm and not a traditional lipstick. I can swipe it on without a mirror and go, and the color is super hydrating and long-lasting. I’m honestly obsessed.
Until next time, friends.
xxHB
*If you buy something from one of these links (and I hope you do because they’re awesome!) I might receive an affiliate commission.*