I've Never Done This Before

When did we all become the decision makers?

I’m having one of those weeks where I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing.

There are a handful of fires raging around me, both personal and professional, and I quite literally don’t know how to put them out because… well, I’ve never done this before, and I’m terrified of getting it wrong. What if I make the wrong choice, or say the wrong thing, or everyone turns to me and realizes that I actually have zero idea what I’m talking about? You know that feeling, the one your therapist will calmly remind you is categorically untrue because look how far you’ve come? How could a person who has no idea what’s the best choice end up in your fortunate position? Apartment? Check. Job? Check. Boyfriend? Check.

Well, for some god forsaken reason, even after 36 years, it’s still an omnipresent feeling that manages to touch basically every corner of my life. And it’s really fucking annoying.