If I'm Not Naked, I Don't Want It
On finding a chic (and unabashedly slutty) summer style.
It’s time to check on your friendly neighborhood e-commerce editors because they are hanging on for dear life right now. We’re staring down the barrel of a TON of online sales, including Prime Day (I loathe to recommend Am*zon if I can help it but sometimes there’s pricey household stuff that could use a discount), Nordstrom, and SSENSE, and they are spending hours scrolling through each site to pinpoint the best deals. I, too, am conducting a fair amount of daydream scrolls, fully aware that I still CANNOT SHOP. I’m in the middle of making a very big girl purchase and I have to be mindful of my spending. Sigh.
It’s a particular bummer right now because all I want is to feel like a hot piece walking outside in all of my single woman glory. Everything I put on needs to show a little skin or feel a touch provocative because why the hell not? The world is on fire, literally and figuratively in many places, so you might as well ditch the inhibitions and flaunt your most valuable assets all season long. Hot girl summer? Honey, more like a hot woman summer.
Here’s everything I can’t buy, but you absolutely should, to embrace your stylishly sleazy side.
Aflalo Byron Pants in Silk: I’m very drawn to this baby blue shade at the moment, which is typically outside my color wheelhouse but hey, might as well give it a go with a cheeky pair of sheer silk trousers. Pair them with a little cotton tanga and flaunt those stems—we want to see them!
2. Alohas Gil Mesh Flats: See! More baby blue mesh please. The added detail of the cord keeps this style from feeling too precious. I’d wear these with slouchy white Levi 501s and a whisper thin white t-shirt.
3. J.Crew Summerweight Nylon Short with Removable Lining: Okay I saw these shorts on the site but didn’t realize how cute and moderately slutty they were until I saw creative director Olympia Gayot style them on her IG. Officially obsessed, even though I’m not normally a pink girlie.
4. St. Agni Cotton Slim Scoop Tank: Ugh this tank is clingy in all the right places, with straps that are just begging to fall down your shoulder as you strut down the street or sip a cocktail next to someone cute on the outdoor patio. I need all 11 colors because that cotton undershirt collection deserves an upgrade.
5. Tory Burch Patos Mesh Flats: A glove shoe with a mesh finish and a hint of metal? Sign me up, babe. This is the way to tackle multiple trends without feeling too on the nose. Pair them with some slinky silk trousers and the above tank and you’re golden.
6. COS Tie Front Waistcoat: As a member of the itty bitty titty committee, I appreciate this type of deep neckline to show off… my sternum, which TBH is pretty fucking sexy if I do say so myself. This tie-front vest is timeless and the sliver of skin is just chefs’ kiss.
7. Tibi Eco Poplin Strappy Dress: The ‘90s straight neckline paired with this deliciously low back, all in a gorgeous eggplant poplin has me craving a hot and steamy summer rooftop party, the lights of the city all lit up in the background. Someone hand me a John Daly and let’s make out in the corner.
8. Comme Si La Boxer Classica: I’m still on this boxer train, especially in this silky soft finish. Honestly, I’d buy all 12 colors if I could, but the classic cream shade is the ideal starting point. Pair it with a red tube top and a snakeskin kitten heel. Perfection.
9. Dries Van Noten Bulle 105 Patent Leather Mules: Now these are some cunty little shoes. The lucite wedge heel! The toe ring strap! It’s an unapologetically sexy style, made for a fabulous night out with your exceptionally hot crew. I loveeee that you can see the screws holding the heel bed—it’s both tough and oddly intimate.
10. Kinn Beaded Chain Anklet: Okay I’m convinced that anklets are the sexiest summer jewelry, and they’re having a serious comeback. I just picture myself lying on a topless beach, tanned and salt-kissed, with a hint of gold catching the sunlight. Plus wearing an anklet means bare legs, cute sandals, and something enjoyable to attend.
I hope you find something here that helps you channel your chic, fun, and slutty alter ego this summer. Shop for those of us who are budgeting and post your cute look so I can live vicariously through you!
Until next time friends,
xxHB
*If you buy something from one of these links (and I hope you do because they’re awesome!) I might receive an affiliate commission.*