Among the many social skills we’re expected to learn as we step onto the roller coaster of adulthood is patience. Just as a toddler evolves beyond her temper tantrum in the grocery store candy aisle, the 30-something woman must calmly sit in the discomfort of waiting on a nearly daily basis — for the interview, for the text back, for the endless line at Whole Foods to just move already. No matter where your career and personal life takes you, waiting is simply an unavoidable part of life.
Obviously there are many things worth waiting for — the Prada sample sale, that dream vacation, an apartment with a walk-in closet and washer dryer combo. But for those of us with control issues, simply sitting back and waiting for something to happen can feel particularly excruciating.
I’ll admit here and now that I am not a patient person. I managed to keep it together as a kid mainly because I was terrified of ever getting in trouble with any type of authority figure. Now as an adult, I pride myself on my initiative, my status as a go-getter who refuses to accept defeat in any and all things. This is particularly helpful when you’re self-employed and the only boss you have to blame when things don’t go well is yourself. The kicker when you operate this way on a daily basis (minus the occasional, and necessary, rot day) is realizing that there are many, many things that you just cannot speed up, no matter how dire and/or boring they may seem to you at the moment. Why do you think people at the DMV are so pissed off?
I’ve spent many hours of therapy processing why I struggle with people and things that seem to function on a completely different wavelength than I do, a trait I’ve come to characterize as destructive efficiency (mental health professionals, apologies if I’m totally off base here). Anyone who has ever waited in vain for news on a job application will understand the sensation — panic texting friends for advice, pacing in your apartment, wondering why on earth the powers that be are dangling the news just out of reach. Why wait when you can just… get it done now? But with the world set up to reward those who wait (“patience is a virtue” blah blah blah) my anxious yet steadfastly proactive mind can often feel like a racehorse that’s never allowed to break free.
If you couldn’t already tell, this is not a fun way in which to go about your life.
It would be easy to blame my chronic impatience on the frenetic pace of 21st century life and our paralyzing addiction to technology. After all, there is a database of nearly any and everything you could ever want to know available 24/7, right at our fingertips. We have adapted to expect instant gratification, shrinking our attention span to that of a goldfish so that when something takes longer than expected, it’s extremely aggravating. Admit it, you’ve sighed dramatically when your emails take longer than a few seconds to load.
Still, I’m not one to sit here and tell you that possessing inexhaustible patience is a good thing either. There is no benefit to endlessly waiting for a job, a relationship, or a landlord to improve after a reasonable amount of time, however that may look for you. This is yet another aspect of growing older and ever wiser — learning when to cut your losses and move on to the next. It’s an admittedly tricky balance.
The additional struggle that I see for myself and many of the people around me, however, is learning how to manage the intensity of our impatience when life invariably takes its sweet time. Although I doubt that I’ll ever become the epitome of patience, I’m working to redirect my energy towards the more controllable aspects of life, like eating well, moving my body, seeing friends and loved ones, and not spending money on pretty things for a momentary dose of dopamine (this one is SO hard). Mindless scrolling, with it’s shockingly addictive algorithm, is also not a refuge for my discomfort — why not take a walk instead? Or call a friend? Devour a romance novel? Book a session at a rage room and let a few porcelain plates feel your wrath?
Impatience, like any other uncomfortable feeling, is simply one of those things that you have to allow to move through your body (so says my therapist). Acknowledge it but don’t let it overpower your thoughts and lead to obsessive rumination (I am the queen of this). But instead of feeling guilty over your restlessness, perhaps we can all reframe the occasional bout of impatience as an indicator that something is no longer worth your valuable time. Essentially, if your gut instinct tells you that the thing you’re waiting for is no longer worth the torment of anticipation, listen. No need to sacrifice all of your valuable time, and your sanity, in the process.
I’ll drink an #AnxietyBeer to that.
retail < therapy
Hikerkind Trail Sun Shirt: All New Yorkers know that the key to surviving the city, especially in the dregs of a sweaty summer, is getting TF out. For me, that often means going for a hike somewhere upstate for either a day trip or a little weekend getaway. A sun shirt is entirely necessary to keep my skin protected from UV damage and to avoid any creepy crawlers. I’m newly obsessed with this woman-founded hiking brand (based right here in Brooklyn) and this tasty butter yellow, sweat-wicking style is the perfect mix of fashion and function. You’ll catch me wearing it pretty much daily next week when I travel to the Amazon for work (!!!!).
JVN Complete Air Dry Cream: The summer humidity wreaks havoc on my wavy hair so I’m always on the lookout for a product that can maintain the definition without weighing it down or feeling sticky. This air dry cream completely dazzled me when I first tried it because of how well it separated my texture, minus any crunch or excess frizz. I apply a quarter-sized amount to my hair after using a leave-in conditioner, smoothing it through as if I was putting it back in a ponytail, and then scrunch each side a few times. Loading: effortless mermaid waves.
3. Kule Silk Lido Pant: In keeping with this luxe cream color theme I have going, do you not die over these silk pants?! I’m all about a stretchy waist no matter the time of year and I’ve come to accept that a silky pajama pant is central to my personal style philosophy. It just looks cool, whether you pair it with a t-shirt, an oversized button down, or a sweater. I adore this modern twist on a polka dot pattern and the neutral colorway is so wearable with the pieces you likely already have in your wardrobe. Bonus? It’s also on super sale right now.
Until next time :)
Cheers,
xxHB
*If you buy something from one of these links (and I hope you do because they’re awesome!) I might receive an affiliate commission.*
The silk pj pants look amazing but totally not affordable in this day and age for me. They are cool looking though!
this one really hit home <3 chronically impatient people unite!